Grandma's Cheesy Potatoes

   Three more days until T-Day and right now I am in the hospital preparing for yet another pet scan.  This will be my third one during the course of this journey.  The pet scan surveys my body (neck to knees) in an effort to see if any cancer cells are lurking anywhere.  The word on the street is that the docs wanted one more baseline check prior to starting all of the stem-cell stuff to make sure my carcass is clean.  The scan demands that I lower my blood sugar significantly through a specialized diet the day before…no big deal.  But then we had two family gatherings for Mother’s Day that included so many no-nos: a big and beautiful fruit salad (no fruit), Grandma’s cheesy potatoes (no starches), genuine lemonade (no juices), ice cream (no sugars) and cake (never good for you anyway).  Just about everything that was on the table was also on my taboo list.  But my resistance to temptation was rewarded: my blood sugar was at 79 this morning, well under the threshold to begin the science needed to make this pet scan happen (it must be between 60 and 200).  So now I sit.  My port is right now receiving the solution needed to show up in the imaging machine (this will take a couple of hours) and so I wait. Once the scan begins, I will be out of here in twenty minutes.  

   “How are you doing?” is of course the standard question.  Honestly, I am tired.  Physically I am not sleepy or exhausted but nonetheless I am just tired of being the guy with cancer.  I am tired of having cancer and the accompanying hospital and clinic visits constantly interrupting my life.  I am tired of conversations revolving around me and cancer and what appointments are coming up this week and what the prognosis is and how I am feeling.  I know, I know…I need to be patient.  I have heard it before and I have told myself that for months.  And I know that people are concerned and therefore want to know and I appreciate that, but I just how I am feeling right now and if it sounds like griping, so be it. I guess I am no better than the Israelites wandering in the desert.  But I know I will be fine when I can eat some of that fruit salad and Grandma’s cheesy potatoes.  For now, I wait.  

   I was able to hang out on the beach for a while yesterday.  It was beautiful and good.  I won't be able to do that much this summer so despite the chilly wind, it was definitely a blessed day.  OK...that was enough.  I am now done griping.  Grandma's cheesy potatoes are waiting for me at home when I get done with this scan.