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   Day (-3): From my devotions this morning:

"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me."  Psalm 57:2

One beautiful old translation of this verse says, "He will perform the cause I hold in my hand." That makes it very real to me today.  The very thing "I hold in my hand"--my work today, this concern that is beyond my control, this task in which I have greatly overestimated my own abilities--this is what I may cry out for Him to do for me, with the calm assurance He will perform it.

   This entry from May 22 from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman came at just the right time (thanks for this gift, Lori - this book has been a blessing).  I have a few burdens this morning and if I don't unload them soon they will become worrisome and they will drag me down.   I am feeling the effects of three days of chemo and my body is not liking it.  The nausea, the constipation, the lack of appetite are the trifecta I have experienced before.  Additionally, just like the night before, I was awakened seven or eight times last night by nurses needing this and that and the other thing.  I had to deal with a couple of pokes, more chemo, and two sets of vitals.  I also have had some complications from an anti-coagulant drug that dropped my heart rate down to 42 beats per minute.  Added to this list of complaints is that the constant fluid that is dripping into me, whether it be chemo or saline, has added about fifteen pounds of "puff" to me.  I have never weighed 197 pounds before...I do now. 

   Q: What is the difference between Phil and The Pillsbury Dough Boy?

   A: There is no difference.  Both are white, adorable, and fat.

   While I know these circumstances are temporary,  I need to roll these burdens toward God 's feet and let him carry them for me.  I have that promise that he will take it all ("Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:17) so why should I ever try to power on with strength I don't have?   There is no reason to be fearful of these things.  I may have to endure a little discomfort but enduring and fearing are two different states of mind.  "So God, take the fear out of my circumstances.  Help me to endure well today without worry.  I give this to you today.  Thank you.  Amen."

   (This is Blog Entry #100 on this journey of mine...thank you for following along and praying me through this experience...there is nothing like the loyalty of good friends and praying people.)