The New Look

   I find myself wanting to write down a lot of what I have been experiencing through this new look at life.  This "new look" of course includes the word "cancer" and already it has altered how I see the world.  A couple of months ago, "anaplastic large-cell non-Hodgkins lymphoma" had nothing to do with me, a guy who lives in Michigan named Phil Warners.  Now that this term is attached to who I am, it mandates that I look at life in different ways.  Before I begin wrestling on paper with this "new look" is all about, let me at least acknowledge a few things.  First, I realize that I am not unique.  There are a lot of people who have been motoring through life just fine only to find that something is looming behind a rock up ahead and it jumps out and changes us.  This is not new.  It could be anything that does this -- it doesn't have to be cancer.  For some I know, it is some sort of disease.  It could be the death of a spouse or a child.  It could be the loss of a job or bankruptcy.  It could be something else.  But none of us is immune to coming face to face with something that does and will alter our lives in some way that we will -- even when we emerge -- never be the same as we were.  For me, it is this disease.
   But also, this altering of how we see life does not mean that one was better than the other.  Sure, I wish I never had this disease.  Of course, I would like to have the energy to not just survive each day but to have energy to do all kinds of things.  Sure, I wish that my family did not have this cloud that sits over us as we get one day closer to the next round of chemotherapy when I may end up vegetable-like for the few days afterward wondering seriously if death isn't such a bad alternative to what I am experiencing at the time.  But then, there are those special moments that I experience now that I have experienced many times before but I never have even noticed them as special before.  Today there is something even more special when my daughter snuggles up next to me to watch a program on television.  Today I will see my wife walk through the door and I know that just seeing her will make me feel so much better.  The routine of the day now has me noticing the little things that are just so special that I kick myself for never really noticing them before.  I love life.  God has blessed me with so much.  My health is wavering but my mind stays busy counting the many blessings that for some reason are so much more obvious to me now.
   The "new look?" One does not need to go through a crisis to appreciate all that is around us.  And death?  Well, as a Christian, I have nothing to fear.  God is good.  He continues to be so.  Look around yourself today and recognize something little in your life that really is something special.  "Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your many blessings to see what God has done."  Life is good.  Look for the little components that make it so.