Why Not Me?

   This is Day Three -- three days in a row where I am feeling more normal than I feel sick.  While this is good, I know that my next round of chemo is less than a week away.  So I decided to make myself useful today.  I crock-potted a venison roast (thanks Todd and Barb), I started the laundry, I sorted out the bazillion hats and gloves and scarves and socks that have ended up in one entropic pile at the foot of the basement stairs, and I walked to the grocery store.  It is now 10:30 and I am tired.  Not that kind of tired where one says, "I think I will sit down for five minutes to regain my strength." No, the kind of tired that stays in the bones for a good long time.  Ah, the new normal...at least for a while.  But hey, did you see how much I did already today?
   I realize this blog sometimes turns into a litany of blessings and good people and all of those warm and good feelings I have and for those of you who wish there was a little more gloom-and-doom, that's just how it is.  Find another blog if you want hopelessness.  While there are certainly times of questioning and sadness, most times and encounters are positive and uplifting for me.  Since lymphoma seems to have no real rhyme or reason as to who it afflicts, there is no need to ask the prototypical "Why me?" question.  I am a human, so "Why not me?" would be a more appropriate question.  This disease has invaded my body without asking for permission, and so I definitely think of it as I would a burglar or a terrorist.  Nobody wants it here.  Nobody has any use for it.  Nobody has any answers as to why it has to even exist.  But it is and does...I have to deal with it.
   But again, I look around and remember that I am not dealing with it alone.  Chris came over last night and just dropped off a load of food.  Alex is taking over my class at school and is willing to do so until after spring break.  Randy did not charge me for a minor car repair.  Tami sent me a long and rambling text that made me smile.  Lymphoma does not isolate me.  It does not take away the joy I see reflected in the actions of others.  Many are motivated by their love for Jesus and I appreciate that because that is what motivates me.  But others who do not have that kind of relationship with Jesus are stepping in as well just to make sure I am okay and those encounters bless me too.
   Three good days in a row.  I am thinking that soon I need to find ways to bless others as well.  I don't just want to be a taker and, somehow when this is over, I don't think I will be.  But I think I will rest right now.  I am that kind of tired.