The First Day of School

   I am going back to school tomorrow.  This will be the first day since before Christmas vacation and I find myself quite nervous.  Honestly.  I am a grown man.  What should I be afraid of?  School has always been a place to be with students, to feel their energy, to guide their lives.  But I struggle with the root causes of that nervousness.  I struggle with notions of self-doubt (common for me).  The questions nag me: "Can I teach them anything?"  "Will I be prepared enough?"  "Will I physically be able to get through the day?" "What has been happening since I was last there?" "How do I deal with the details of sick-time, time off, short-term disability?"  "What is actually best for the students?" "Can I even do it?" I feel a little like Moses at the burning bush, offering up excuse after excuse about why I cannot go.  It has nothing to do with the students...I love them.  It is all rooted in self-doubt, in the feeling I have that I will be inadequate for the task, in some form or another.  My principal told me to take my time, not to worry, that he was fine if I return at 80% or 90% of what I was, as long as I think I can do it.  I am realizing that I will never score myself that high until Lord willing after this cancerous ride is over.  But I am going back tomorrow.  I have to.  I need to keep moving ahead.  Please God, grant me the strength I need to get through the day well.  Bolster me with your power to reform those relationships that are so important to me.  Let me stay focused on the important things and disregard those things that are not so important.  I need you.  Please.