"I Think I Can..." But NO!

   I am blitzed today.  I have this tiredness that is difficult to explain because it is so pervasive.  It starts deep down in the bones somewhere and makes joints ache.  It moves to the mind where any activity is sized up as an enemy.  I would probably do the entire world a greater good today by just going back to bed and not interfering in any way with the ongoing history of mankind.  But Connie was working today so I didn't have that option.  I moved around doing some things, and soon it was hard to breathe.  I took a nap only to wake up more lightheaded and drowsy than when I went to sleep.  I just couldn't move much at all without getting blasted by exhaustion.  I probably had too much fun in northwest Ohio with Jimmy, Kate, and Jesse -- and I think it was mostly the two-year-old's fault.  I'll blame the kid.
   This kind of tiredness comes along every so often and is a great humbler for me.  Unlike the Little Engine That Could, just when "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can," I cannot.  I push things a little too far.  This is different from when I was younger.  Back then (and even now to some degree) I had the heart of an athlete.  As an athlete, one understands that while training and physical fitness are difficult, the hard work makes the person stronger and increases his endurance and betters his performance.  While pain and strain are involved, eventually there is an almost proportional pay-off with how much physical preparation one does and how well one feels and performs.  That is not the case right now.  I just have to be patient and take my time.  There seems to be very little I can do to speed up the process.  I get tired when I walk too far.  Rather than making me stronger, any kind of physical activity seems to set be back.  I wish there was more that I could do to hasten this recovery.
   But then again, why should I think I have any amount of self-governance in this issue?  None of this experience has been convenient or even controllable.  None of it has been easy or pleasant or relaxing or invigorating.  None of it has ever fit on a time table that could be transferred to a spreadsheet.  None of it seems to have patterns of predictability.  Why should I think I can measure and quantify and direct the order of things now?  It is the way it is.  And the good news is that today is now almost behind me now and I get to have tomorrow to try again.  Let's go.