The Psychologist

   I had a doctor's appointment today, although this was the first time I met with Dr. Porter.  He works at the cancer/hematology treatment center I go to but I had never met with him before.  He is the psychologist that works with the patients that come in and out of the center.  He asked me how I was doing.  Now I have never really been one of those people that tracks and chronicles the feelings I have or the thinking that is going on.  I am a doer and it has frustrated me that I have had to put a moratorium on my activity.  But sitting down to talk about my thoughts and feelings during this process was a new thing for me to do with someone I had never met.  He was a kind man, and I feel like our conversation was never lacking for substance.  He told me that some of what I was thinking about the impatience and the desire to get back to normal life was very typical.  I figured that.  He supported the decision to take advantage of the short-term disability policy from work, saying it is definitely the best way to go, especially for a teacher.  I figured that too.  He was kind and let me just talk about myself, which is something I try not to make a practice -- I would rather hear the stories of other people.  But no one else was in the room so I talked about myself, my family, my support system, and just what I do with my time while I am waiting.
   When I left, I felt a little normal for a moment.  That was good.  He verified that everything I was fearing and thinking and going through was actually all within the range of typical.  While I still don't like to talk about myself too often, this was verifying and worthwhile for me to hear.  Normal.  Typical. To know that my thinking and emotions and mental health are even now in the range of normal and typical was good to hear today.  When those two words get attached to my physical health in a couple of months from now, that will be good too.
   One week from now, Chemo Round Four will happen.  After that I have only two rounds left.  We are getting there.  For now, I will be content to feel normal and typical, even for a moment or two.