God's Job: Creating and Renewing

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

                                                                                                     Psalm 51:10-12

   When David was caught in adultery and was confronted by Nathan the prophet, he poured his heart out to God begging for forgiveness.  Psalm 51 is a beautiful picture of how each of us is to throw ourselves on the mercy of a powerful and just God.  We are to recognize the impact and seriousness of our sin, but then give it over to God and strive to live more for him.  Sin separates us from God, and David knew that without God guiding him, his life would be empty and meaningless.  

   In many ways it seems to me that cancer and sin are similar.  I cannot save myself from either of them.  I have no personal power over either of them.  Only when I acknowledge my powerlessness can I begin to get the help I need.  Only God can heal me from both.  My plea through this experience is like David's desire: "You can do it, God!  I cannot!"  I want to be recreated and renewed.  I need to be restored and sustained.  

   I have been at school the last couple of days and have felt both energized and exhausted.  I realize there is a part of me that is just impatient with this cancer.  I know that getting well is all a process, but I want that process to move along a little more quickly.  

   Next week I have more medical-appointment interruptions to my life.  We need to deal with all the preliminary details for this stem-cell transplant.  I need to allow God to do the work in his time, not in mine.  This is hard for me right now.  I am tired of dealing with personal health issues, but then David was tired of carrying his sin around too.  I sense the parallel here -- and the reminder that I need to get refocused and allow God to do the healing work in me.  While I want to fix it, I cannot.  "So God, create...renew...restore...sustain, because I can't do any of that.  Give me the patience to wait well while you are fixing me.  Amen."